I post on Tik Tok and I feel really embarrassed about it
The cringey feeling that comes with "seeking attention" via social media
“ I turn myself up
I turn myself out
[I turn myself away]
I can’t make them stay”
- A song I wrote about TikTok
I have a fraught relationship with TikTok.
Last year I wrote a song about it. I’ve never released it because its kind of “Amos-esque” avant garde (for me) with two distinctive piano movements, but maybe I will some day just for the catharsis.
Or maybe I never will, and I’ll just write this post instead.
I first downloaded this app last summer, once I finally decided I was *actually* *really* *truly* going to record and release some of my own songs.
TikTok is one of the best ways to find an audience, after all.
I never addressed the cringe I felt, I just side-stepped it. Pushed on in spite of it.
I will post myself singing and playing the piano on a social media app. I will. I know I can do this. I internally winced my way through it, but I did it.
TikTok can launch you overnight, they said.
It’s one thing to post a clip from a live performance that actually took place in front of an audience. This feels way more comfortable, way more acceptable, way less “look at me.”
But to actually film myself “masturbating” on an iPhone and release it for public consumption? Well, that doesn’t seem acceptable for someone at my age, and at my stage.
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